Sometimes I think I'm too cautious

MornaStar · Post by **MornaStar** » Wed Apr 17, 2013 7:59 am

Today a guy asked me for my number and honestly, how do you say no and not hurt his feelings? I probably did the worst thing possible and gave him a fake number instead. I'm tempted to text him from a free sms website and tell him I'm sorry I gave him the wrong number, but I'm not used to random guys that I don't even know their names yet asking me for my number. I know that the fact that he was black had a lot to do with my decision. It's a sad thing and I'm ashamed to say it, but black guys really aren't my type. I'm dated one before and it was the worst experience ever and I've seen more of my friends dating them and it ending in more than just tears. Am I a bad person for this or am I just overly cautious? Not only that but I don't want to get hurt, and I don't think dating anyone right now is a good idea since I am going to be moving out with my mother 3,000 miles away from here. Again am I too cautious?

Laurie LeAnn · Post by **Laurie LeAnn** » Wed Apr 17, 2013 9:12 am

wellllll, kind of a awkward situation when guys do that huh? you could just email him or what ever and explain he caught you off guard. tell him that you really don't a relationship right now, you will be moving soon. I wouldn't meet with anyone, black, white , purple or what ever color they are with out having mutual friends around a few times. dating is a chance you take with getting hurt and it is just not with " black guys"..it happens with everyone and in every situation.. married and the un married

MornaStar · Post by **MornaStar** » Wed Apr 17, 2013 1:19 pm

True. very true. I didn't even get his name before he gave me his number...I'm kinda glad that I didn't give him mine, everything felt off from the first time he started talking to me. Then he got off at the wrong bus stop just to follow me. He even asked where I lived...I don't know it just felt off the whole time.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Thu Apr 18, 2013 5:55 am

Yeah my sister gets this all the time except its from rednecks.lolShe can be in town and random guys will try to get her number and thats when she has to give them the cold shoulder as giving a random person your number and not even knowing their name on top of it all is a recipe for your picture ending up on a milk carton and at the post office.The fact that he followed you and wanted to know where you lived is a really big red flag in my mind and guys like that should be avoided at all costs.I'm a guy and I hate to say this but girls just can't trust guys this day in age because too many guys have bad intentions on their minds and are only after one thing which I could never see the point in as I've always been taught promiscuity only leads to s.t.d's and worse and that virginity should be valued above all else and that certain things should wait till after I'm married and be shared with only my wife.Of course I'm very old fashioned in this respect and the last girlfriend I had I'd dated for two years and never kissed as I didn't feel that it was appropriate or that I knew the girl well enough for it yet.I think you did the right thing.

MornaStar · Post by **MornaStar** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 3:53 am

Everyone is saying I did the right thing. Next time if that happens I'll just tell him flat out no to the number because it's just a bad idea. I'm glad I gave him the wrong number now. Even if he was a good guy, he should realize that, that isn't how you pick someone up.

Theodora · Post by **Theodora** » Mon Apr 22, 2013 7:14 am

Yeah good for you MornaStar!

Keg · Post by **Keg** » Wed Apr 24, 2013 4:07 am

Mornastar, there are books and forums on the net about "how to pick up girls." The point is, caution is good, but these people are playing a game and they know how to manipulate anyone.If you read up on the subject you will get an idea of what it sounds like.

MornaStar · Post by **MornaStar** » Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:26 pm

It's so messed up. Can't anyone just have a relationship without having to get some? It's ridiculous.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Wed Apr 24, 2013 4:41 pm

@MornaStar, my mother has been a geriactric nurse for 28yrs and has seen things that would turn even the strongest stomachs and most of it related to the fields of promiscuity and infidelity so believe you me I know the it aint worth playing the field just to end up sick or worse yet dieing.I don't get how guys can't have relationships without having to bring coitus(sp?) into it either....

Keg · Post by **Keg** » Wed Apr 24, 2013 7:21 pm

@Mornastar There are people who see the world through a completely different mindset than you. They are some version of unhealthy... but they will always be around and you can't change them. For instance I once saw a forum on college dating that had a whole section on how to render your date unconscious. It would be better to know about this behavior. It's dangerous to assume it doesn't exist.@crabber85 I will explain it to you logically as soon as I can reformat the relevant mental images. But basically some people don't have as much cranial activity as you, therefore they live in an everyday world that seems boring and inactive. They need stimulation, or rather, the main stimulation they have is from their body and it's so overpowering they can't ignore it. This explains what happens in prison...

MornaStar · Post by **MornaStar** » Thu Apr 25, 2013 7:46 am

I understand the psychological basis of it, they have addictive personalities and they have a lack of self control. It's not that they have less cranial activity, it's that they just don't want to stop themselves from getting something good, and honestly I know a few women who do it too. (Is this getting a little too into the adult side of talking? I don't want to break rules, but I guess if we keep it professional and use medical terms it should be ok?) Anyway, I know many people who achieve that mental state through pain and include pain in coitus. We actually did a study on it is my foundations of addiction class. It was pretty cool to learn about. @Crabber85 yes that is how you spell it lol Coitus is just as addictive as any drug or alcohol is, and the scary part about it is you could be addicted and not even think twice about it because lets face it, coitus is a fact of life, something that is needed to make our species thrive, and who are we to say you can't have it...just like having a food addiction. Many people joke about being addicted to food or a specific food, but you don't see the real addicts who always are eating, who weigh so much and who have cholesterol levels that are so high that they are inches from death...it's sad really.

pinkypie · Post by **pinkypie** » Sun Apr 28, 2013 3:04 pm

kinda late response but I think it was a good idea that you gave him a fake number. He was a complete stranger wanting to contact you without giving a reason, and could have been a weirdo & so therefore you don't owe him anything.^^ always go with your first feeling/impression of something regardless of how you think others might interpret it good vs. bad because it's usually on the money. :]