My sister-in-law just lost her mother last night.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Thu Oct 09, 2014 2:51 pm

Her name was Debby Harvey she was the pastors wife and just celebrated her birthday a couple of months ago, she had been sick with liver cancer for over a year and her Oncologist said that chemo wouldn't help and raditation treatments might make it worse so her condition kept getting worse and a week ago she had to bee put in hospice because she'd quit eating and couldn't move due to the pain.Because it was her liver she'd had to take special medicine to keep the yellow discoloration away but thats all it really did, she had two stints put in to try to give the little bit of healthy liver she still had a chance at repairing the rest but sadly it didn't work.I hate this because my sister in law and her sibblings have lost a great mother and my sis in law just had to go through somthing very similar three months ago when my dad died from cancer, she was there for my brother and the rest of us and went through the whole process with us only to have to turn around and go through it again three months later with her own mother..Debby died somewhere between 2 and 2:30 in the morning, my brother was at the hospice facility with his wife went it happened and texted us to let us know.My heart is broken and saddened for the Harvey family at this time of great loss and with the pain still being fresh from my own loss I know all to well what the family is going through at this time.Fortunately she did not suffer she just went to sleep, in fact her husband the pastor was sitting there holding her hand and just happened to look up and notice that she was not breathing and by that time she was gone.He was so confused and shocked that he was in disbelief for a while last night, he was holding her hand and never felt it weaken or let go as she passed on.We are not promised tommorow, mans life is like a vapor short and full of troubles and no one can know when it will end so its best to live each day as if its your last you never know it just might be....Please keep the Harvey, Butler and Little families in your thoughts and prayers as we go trough this difficult and trying time.

Laurie LeAnn · Post by **Laurie LeAnn** » Thu Oct 09, 2014 9:45 pm

I had to take a hospice class when I was a house keeper in a nursing home, ya I know you think how dumb is that?! They wanted us to understand the process of hospice. When a person refuses food , that is one of the signs their body is preparing itself, shoving food on them actually makes them more uncomfortable and bloats them cause their body is shutting down and don't know what to do with this extra stuff. They eat if they are hungry.. hospice should of been still giving her meds for pain to make her comfortable in her sleep. Like morphine.I'm sure she knew she was surrounded by people who loved her. I'm one that finds peace in knowing that a person is no longer hurting or suffering in great pain even if I may miss them greatly..I don't wish that on anyone..and its hard to watch a family go through it let alone having gone through it yourself you understand .You just stick with your family and be there for them. You know what they are dealing with....chin up, be brave for them..

jenok · Post by **jenok** » Fri Oct 10, 2014 5:51 am

So sorry for everyone involved. Now I'm just waiting my turn with my dad. So far he's the same but I know it's only going to get worse. The doc said if it stays slow progressing it'll probably be a couple of years less if it speeds up. As much as it hurts me I hope it doesn't take that long. There's no point in him living longer. It just to the doc's office or staying home tired and grumpy all the time.Crying my heart out with you.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Fri Oct 10, 2014 3:18 pm

Thanks for the condolences, we are going in the morning around 8 or so to the flower shop to order flowers for the funeral, the shop closes ridiculously early on Sat around 11 am or so, so we have to be up early.I'm just getting in from going to town to get some of our groceries with my mom we still have to make a stop at Ingles later tommorow to get our meats and such.It's definitely not easy having to watch someone die especially when its slow and drawn out like the last two have been.My mother and I were discussing this earlier today that we have had one death in the family after another over the last three years, first my cousin Christy, then three months later her grandmother my great aunt Rosie, then another cousin Carol just a couple of months after that, two more months later my grandmother Stella Rosies sister then just six months later their brother Uncle Lamar, then a year and three months to the first anniversary of my grandmothers death my dad suddenly falls ill and passes away six days after being diagnosed with terminal cancer and then three months later my sister in laws moths dies of liver cancer...I've seen so much death in such a short amount of time that I'm still reeling from it, just one family member after another so for more than a year now I've been in a constant state of shock and disbeliefe, I'm autistic so I don't handle sudden change very well and I've had a lot of it on my plate lately and I'm not dealing with it well, lots of times where I get sad when I shouldn't and feel like I want to cry because I'm still processing these events in bits and peices like they happened yesterday and most poeple don't understand that but hey this is me and this is how I cope and deal....

Laurie LeAnn · Post by **Laurie LeAnn** » Fri Oct 10, 2014 4:33 pm

You are handling it.... your doing fine. If you have to go somewhere to let steam out, emotions, cry, etc.. Then do so.. don't hold stuff in..your not alone to have mixed up feelings about losing so many people in a short time. If it's one person, two or 3. We all grieve in so many different ways but we all have that just don't know how to feel ..it's a CHANGE for everyone.

jenok · Post by **jenok** » Sat Oct 11, 2014 6:32 am

Crying is good for you it helps relieve stress. I start to cry every now and then when something reminds me of someone I lost whether it was my aunt a few months ago or my grandma several years ago or my other aunt many years ago (15 or so). I also cry more lately especially when it has to do with my dad something will trigger me to remember he won't be here much longer and there I go all over again.We're here we deal with it the best we can and eventually we'll be stronger for it. Considering your getting on here and talking with us your doing pretty good so far just keep it up and don't go all hermity (new word like a hermit alone and doesn't want to have anything to do with anyone else) on us now.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Sat Oct 11, 2014 1:01 pm

They are having the viewing tomorrow from six to eight at the funeral home, then Monday the funeral will take place around eleven I wont get to be there for the chaple portion of the service because my mom has to work they wont let her take the time off since its not immediate family but she will get off in time to make the graveside portion of the service so she's coming back to the house to get me so she can get changed and we should make for that at least.I've had a lot of people tell me I'm stronger than they thought I was because I was a pall barer for my dads funeral which wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be emmotionally because I couldn't get it in my head that he was laying in the casket that didn't fully sink in till nearly a week after so I was basically in auto-pilot not even aware of what was happening in the moment, I was asked to move my mothers car at the graveside after that portion of the service was over and I couldn't even begin to reason out how to get the car cranked or how to put in gear once it was running, my brother saw me standing there with this blank expression on my face just staring at the ground and I distinctly remember him telling me that it was going to be alright that I could move the car just to calm down and then suddenly I came to myself enough to do what I'd been asked.I get overloaded very easily, when that happens I tend to just shut down I can hear people saying things to me after that point and its not intelligible I can't for the life of me make out what it is they are saying, I feel like my mind is going in slow motion when this happens and then the person thats trying to talk to me gets confused because I'm standing still staring at the ground with this blank vaccant expression on my face because I'm struggling to comprehend whats being said and to try to move my lips enough to respond which in that moment feels like it takes an eternity to do either.Sometimes I can come out of it on my own and then its like everything is going super speed around me I can't keep up because my mind and brain are doing double time to try to process as much info as possible in as little time possible to make up for the few minutes I was in auto-pilot.Sometimes I can't come out of it on my own so the people around me have to kind of jostle me to get me to snap out of it, when this happens its way worse than a normal or whats normal for me shut down I feel drained physically and mentally and then all I want to do is go lay down somewhere and try to sleep the fatigue off.I've had really severe episodes with this when I was younger and would litterally sapce out and lose up to two whole weeks I would go out of it and then come back to myself but a huge amount of time would have lapsed, my teachers used to say that I looked like I wasn't there in the face when I'd do this, its no fun not being able to remember what you did for two weeks but see the completed work infront of you...When I went for my mental health exam on the 12th of last month the Doctor actually asked me why I hadn't been seeking treatment at a mental hospital or mental health clinic because I clearly needed to be getting seen to.I'm trying to control these episodes now and I'm not being that successfull my mother can atest to that she can aks me to go get something she forgot in the store while she waits at the register and I either shut down because I just don't understand what it is I'm supposed to be going to get or I'll walk away and come back five or six times to ask what it was I was supposed to go get because my short term memory is horrble so as soon as I walk away from her I completely forget.I'm doing my best not to let another one of these episodes get triggerd while all this is going on with my sister in laws family because I would hate to space out in front of them at a time like this...@jenok, I find talking about these kinds of things is very helpful with my being able to process them a little easier thats mostly why I've stayed on here instead of dissappearing.