Update -Back but for how long?crisis and cancer

jenok · Post by **jenok** » Sun Jul 13, 2014 9:30 am

Well this is more of a opinions needed and/or legal advice, but also a rant and rave.My sister has 3 kids w/ 3 different lowlife dads. This is about the oldest. Her and Alexia's(oldest kid 12yrs.) dad has been split up for a long time approx. 8-9 yrs. Over this time he has not paid any child support (nor has she fought for it/ went to court) most but not all b-days and xmas he'll send a gift. Usually he doesn't even ask to see her very often. He has done drug went to jail ect... so my sis kept her away as much as possible but also if he asked tried to let them see eachother. This year and last he asked for her to stay for a week or 2 during summer break so reluctantly she did well this year it was for 2 and at first she was able to call or they would call then nothing for 6 days. Then she says she wants too stay with her dad and has no real reason why my sis talks to him and he moved and decided he is going to keep her. My sis is not the best parent in the world but Alexia would be a whole lot better off with her then her dad. She wants to ring his neck for doing this but for obvious legal reasons can't. She has thought about waiting for another week or so to see what happens or take him to court but is afraid in doing so that she will lose her or end up with split custody. She has her birth cert and CDIB (Indian)card, but I don't think it would be too hard for him too acquire them so she could go to school where he is. He is Indian and my sis isn't. Too make this all worse we just found out that my dad's colon cancer has came back and he may or may not have it in his lungs we're still waiting for them to check his lungs out and get the results.I can't really blame Alexia for wanting to stay with her dad since the little bit of time she has gotten to spend with him she is the only kid and gets spoiled and she doesn't understand really whats going on or what the consequences will be down the road. When she's with my sis there is her and 2 boys age 7 and 1 1/2. She gets disciplined and has some chores. And my sis at times can lose her temp.

Tongue Flicker · Post by **Tongue Flicker** » Sun Jul 13, 2014 12:34 pm

Well some of us had lowlife if not almost non-existent dads but we end up great in the end.I'm also a product of mixed race marriage so i could relate to the hardship of citizenship to some degree.Well i hope your dad gets better soon. My prayers and best wishes to him

jenok · Post by **jenok** » Wed Jul 16, 2014 8:22 am

Thank you! They scheduled a biopsy of his lungs next week.

Laurie LeAnn · Post by **Laurie LeAnn** » Sun Jul 20, 2014 1:53 am

The court will look at both sides but if one side is ? One has been in jail, has issues in the past, not pd child support , visitation and now all the sudden want the kid the judge will weigh this..

jenok · Post by **jenok** » Tue Jul 22, 2014 7:16 am

I think so too. We just found out he has an outstanding warrant also for failure to pay on something. He's been in jail for drugs and for battery charges as well. We just aren't sure how to proceed cuz we don't want Alexia to resent my sis and her boyfriend for taking her away from him nor do we want her to permanently be with him. We're working on trying to find out where he lives so he can be picked up for his warrant or trick him into bringing her back to Oklahoma and having him picked up and get Alexia back. The only problem with that is he may not bring Alexia and then not tell anyone where she is and his fiancé will have her.Hind sight is 20/20 if she had filed for custody when he was in jail to begin with this wouldn't be happening.

jenok · Post by **jenok** » Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:35 pm

Well all of this is coming to a head. My sis has filed a habeas corpus and has a court date for tomorrow (Friday) so we will see what happens hopefully everything works out ok and he doesn't run with her. Saturday is her B-day so sad everything has to happen this way. It would've been much better if he had just brought her back.UPDATE: They sheriff's office wasn't able to serve him the papers so know my sis has to pay to re-file the paperwork and get another court date. PS they only tried once. Wish they'd get off their donut eating butts and do their job. More bad news my dad has colon cancer and cancer in his lungs (those results came back positive) the bad thing now is how to treat it. He does dialysis so he can't take radiation and they're not sure about chemo. He has an appointment next week with a specialist at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Tulsa, Ok. He still has a wound on his bottom from last year that has been slowly healing but hasn't healed all the way yet so his doctors are trying to get together and see what if anything can be done. I feel bad but he has been through sooo much and his quality of life has diminished enough that sometimes I just wish his suffering would stop and he goes to a better place. (Keep in mind I'm crying as I type this.) God only knows what's going to happen now.

Laurie LeAnn · Post by **Laurie LeAnn** » Sat Aug 02, 2014 4:58 am

So sorry to here this I'm in the hospital sitting with the father in law, his gallbladder decided to get all infected Friday now he has to be here til Monday so a full staff can be here to operate incase something happens. He is in good spirits.

jenok · Post by **jenok** » Tue Aug 05, 2014 4:03 am

Thank you Laurie. I'm glad your father-in-law is in good spirits and since its Tuesday hope everything went ok for him.We was informed that he finally was served so the court date is for the 7th now.Dad's appointment is tomorrow so hopefully they can figure out some kind of treatment plan for him.I'll post later this week what's happening.

jenok · Post by **jenok** » Thu Aug 07, 2014 9:50 am

UPDATEMy sis was able to get her daughter back for the time being. She now has to get a good lawyer and go through child custody and child support. However he said he was going to fight her all the way. In my first post I stated that he was Indian and I mean Native American, Cherokee to be exact. They are known for wanting to keep tribal kids with a member of the tribe and this is what worries us on the custody part of it.Its really irritating that we should be worried at all he shouldn't have any right to her after not having a serious interest in her for so long.My dad went to the specialist yesterday and basically told my dad wait a month and then they'll do another image of it to see how fast it is progressing and during that time he'll speak with my dads other doctors and try to have a game plan ready for him.(not exact words)I personally think a month is too long what if it progresses quickly? But here I find myself wondering again maybe that would work out for the best and it take him out fairly quickly like my aunt(his sis) a couple months ago. I just don't want him to suffer like his mom did in a nursing home for several years slowly dying.

Laurie LeAnn · Post by **Laurie LeAnn** » Wed Aug 13, 2014 4:24 pm

My father in laws surgery was a mess! His gallbladder was adhered to his liver then they tried to diasect it from the liver and his artery just ruptured, he had a blood transfusion. Then he still was sick he was leaking bile couldn't figure out why.. Then sent him to Peoria st Francis. You go there it's bad! Well they found he had a huge stone blockage. He is on the mend now..

Horsejazz34 · Post by **Horsejazz34** » Sun Aug 24, 2014 2:55 pm

At some point you need what's best for Alexa and you have to wonder if her dad threatened to have her ask to stay with him. She needs to go to court that's their best chance they will talk to Alexa on her own to see what she wants too and if she really wants her dad unfortunately that's taken into account. You could also use the unpaid child support as an excuse I'd get her a good lawyer. Hope it gets worked out

Horsejazz34 · Post by **Horsejazz34** » Sun Aug 24, 2014 2:58 pm

Also if he really wants to be with his daughter he needs to get a proposition from the court that he go to rehab and clean up his act then he can fight again for custody or at least visitation rights. If he really cares for his daughter he'll be willing to do that.Drugs mess with your head and there are a million tensions why he'd want to be involved now and not sooner. If he wants to be involved in his daughter's life and her mother has custody she has to give him an ultimatum that he go to regard and clean up his act or be out of her life permanently. If he's willing to clean up and be their for his kid great if not he should be aloud anywhere near her.

jenok · Post by **jenok** » Wed Aug 27, 2014 3:27 am

He said he's been cleaned up and all that which is why she got to go visit to begin with. He said his girlfriend/fiancé had some kids she could play with ect...She "loves" her dad but that is because she doesn't know him well enough the few times she's been with him has all been fun and nothing negative that she sees. It worries us that we found out that his girlfriends kids don't live with them they live with their grandmother but we don't know why. We also found out after the fact that he has warrants failure to pay on something I think. He told us when he kept her that he just wanted to prove that he could care for her and that he loved her and regretted the past. What was so aggravating about that was he didn't try to work it out with my sis and maybe get her for the summer or something like that it was just all the sudden out of the blue I've got her, she doesn't want to go back to you, and so I'm keeping her.My sis has talked to 2 or 3 different lawyers and 1 said to wait until he filed before going to court the other said her chances of keeping her are good but not great. The only thing we have over him are the warrants and the past which we have know way of proving if he's clean or not. He has the indian native American card and my sis doesn't so if he gets a good lawyer from the tribe and takes care of the warrants it will be difficult.Alexia doesn't understand that she has a better chance at life in general (school, good job, learning the dos and don'ts, not getting pregnant early) by staying with her mom instead of her dad.

jenok · Post by **jenok** » Sat Sep 13, 2014 5:07 am

They have decided not to treat my dad. They can't do radiation because of his dialysis and the chemo they could do but it would have to be a really low dose. The doctors don't think the low dose would be enough to make a difference so he just has to wait it out. Right now it is progressing slow so the estimated length if it stay the same pace is around 2 years. If it starts to progress quickly as little as 6 months. I just hope he doesn't get worse then drag it out slowly. Fairly quickly after it gets bad would be the best. I hate to see endless suffering.